Last night I stumbled into an exchange of love notes on Facebook: two friends going on and on and about how great the other is, detailing the origins of their friendship, thanking the people who brought them together, etc.
I stopped reading after a few sentences, and avoided the thread thereafter.
There are many kinds of bad Facebook etiquette and I've certainly been guilty of several of them. I've even indulged a little in Facebook PDA's, though I try to keep it short.
I admit, I invest a lot of time in Facebook, because I like the basic format of saying something significant about my life in a sentence or two. I find Twitter's format of 140 characters a little too limiting, but Facebook is about the right space for me to say something I care about. I once posted something about how I even consider making daily summations of my life something of an intellectual and/or spiritual discipline. At one point I started recording all my status updates somewhere else, but then I forgot to continue. I keep saying that one day I'll go back through my entire FB page and make an accessible record of the good updates. (Which, I must say in all honesty, is most of them.)
Anyway, the point is, I take it seriously, and this is appreciated by some people, who sometimes post things on my wall about how amusing or interesting or provocative I am. (Though there are also the people who scold me for being too liberal and godless. Whatever.) Recently a friend wanted to demonstrate his regard, so he posted a link to this video of Dream of You from Singin' in the Rain. The specific content of the song was not the message; he was not declaring that he dreams of me all day and night. The message was that he knows I adore Gene Kelly and that SitR is one of my favorite movies, and that he took some time to think about what would amuse me and make me smile.
A few weeks ago I got into a conversation about Bananarama with someone I'd know pretty well for about a year. I know, I know: you're wondering how it's possible to go a full year without talking about Bananarama? I admit, normally it comes up sooner but not all friendships follow a script. Anyway, the point is, this friend didn't know much about Banaharama, so the next time I got on FB, I provided links to some educational videos: Do They Know It's Christmas? (because Bananarama is front and center on the mixed-race-and-gender chorus, though all the solos are reserved for white guys), Cruel Summer, and Stay (because Siobhan Fahey left Bananarama to start Shakespeares Sister). None of these were coded messages to my friend, beyond "Hey! I think you would interested and amused by these."
I remember seeing an interview with Sting where he talked about how creeped out he was when people would tell him that they'd used Every Breath You Take as the first dance at their wedding or something, because it's a song about stalking. "Have these people not listened to the lyrics?" he wondered.
A few months ago I stumbled onto a flurry love-song one-up-personship. It might have been Valentine's Day.... I've blocked some of the details. In any event, this couple was busy posting videos to love songs on the each other's page. And not love songs that fit their situation, either (well, as far as I know, anyway), but love songs about "do you really love me" and "I'll be stalking you" or "If you were here, I could deceive you, and if you were here, you would believe" which are lines from If You Were Here, my favorite Thompson Twins song and the song that plays at the end of Sixteen Candles, but not really a sentiment I want to convey to someone I truly care about.
Plus the whole thing was just so damn adolescent. I thought, This is seriously the best way these people can find to convey their regard for one another? They're so unable to communicate by more sophisticated means that they have to borrow someone else's emotions and words--and even then, they can't find something that truly fits?
When you post or dedicate a song, the lyrics have to be A) utterly irrelevant, or B) spot on, as well as C) not annoying to everyone else.
I am happy that I have friends who know this. Once when one of my friends wanted to show me how much he liked me, he sent me the Dead Kennedys' song "Too Drunk to Fuck." He knew I would like this song because he'd already introduced me to Nouvelle Vague's cover of the song. (This would be you, Spike.) I admit it: I was delighted. I LOVE this song. It's horrible and offensive in all the ways it's designed to be, but there's the line at the end about "and now I've got diarrhea" followed by the sound of retching and it always makes me laugh.
And then, later, when I wanted to convey to someone how I felt about them, I sent both the DK original and the NV cover. I didn't send Queen "You're My Best Friend."
Because the point--especially in a public forum where others are privy to the conversation--is not to make a potentially hollow declaration like "I love you!" or "You're my best friend!" The point is to provide a gesture that says the same thing, by showing that you know the person well enough to have some idea of what will amuse and divert them, and to demonstrate that you're willing to take the time to do something just to make them happy.
So, blog readers, how ever many of you there are out there, I know at least a few of you will be as amused by these songs as I am, so here you are!
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